by Sanjay Kataria
Having a pleasant conversation with my friends over a cup of coffee at Café Coffee Day has put a reinforcing faith in me: that I’m not as misfortunate as I thought myself to be. Through the years I have occasionally envied them. I had fervent desires to have a girlfriend. Years have passed until then, and I’ve seen them “going around”: all of them loyal to their respective girlfriends. The stage has now been set when they are almost into their jobs and businesses thereby increasing their “groom-value” – an assurance for their would-be father-in-laws. I am not advocating that they should not earn or increase their value in the matrimonial market. The fact remains that they would be marrying the same girl with who they have been going around. This leaves a little scope for them to change their perspective and judge their state-of-mind once they actually marry and start shouldering responsibilities. Would that love perpetuate? Did they get enough time to fantasize about their lady-love?
Sometimes I imagine – I imagine what kind of life a I’ll be living after 7 years. More than my life, I wonder who my life partner would be. All these years I have envisaged a notion of “perfectness” or “compatibility”. I have tried to analyse myself: what kind of a person am I? What do I need when? Would she be able to live her entire life with me? It is not that I’m concerned about the one who doesn’t exist now. I’m concerned about my state of mind. My expectations of her might not just be “compatible” with her expectations of me. She might be imagining on the other side of brawny guy, ready to fight back with anyone and everyone; caring and cradling her on every step of life; not keeping a track of her expenses at the shopping mall; not nagging her even if she doesn’t serve me a coffee in the morning. These are the things that every girl might just want from her to-be husband. However, if she doesn’t get that, does that necessitate that she should have never imagined it in the first place. On this side even I expect a girl who is as good as a daughter-in-law as she would be a wife; much more beautiful than the to-be-wives of my friends so that they die of envying me; would silently watch me getting into bed and not turning the lights on just to let her sleep; would know that I would love to see her in traditional Indian sari on my birthday. The answer to these questions produces quests. These quests create a thrill to keep my thoughts going on and on to the next level.
Though answers to my inquisitiveness are quite subjective. Lately, I have realised that I don’t even know myself. There no scientific base on which I should judge myself. Should I compare myself with my friends who have been all the way along with me? Should I compare myself with my father who has made me? Or should i compare myself with Abishek Bachchan who has got through the most beautiful lady in the country (without any scientific base, I can bet). Where does this end altogether? If it is not relative then what are the demarcations in absolute terms of “good” and “bad”. And in which category do I fall? All this boils down to a very intricate formation: humans do not have the tendency to judge themselves.